Casino

I think that casino should have a new casino game – Guess En Xian’s Mood. The odd of guessing correct whether I’m happy or sad at any moment, is 1 to 2. No, no, no. Make it 1 to 5.

Easy?

Frankly speaking, even I myself don’t know. One moment I can be happy, the next moment, I can just go the other way. Call it bipolar? Maybe. I don’t know.

It’s not that I’m not trying. I’m trying real (and very) hard to stay positive but… sometimes, I just can’t. It really feels as though I’m stuck in a hole and there’s no way for me to get out of it.

I try to keep myself but not matter how busy I am, the feelings still come back and stab me real hard in my heart that I can literally feel the pain. I need to stop whatever I’m doing, wipe away any tears that I’ve shed and pick up myself again.

I really hate going through this every now and then. I hate it.

I WANT to be positive. I NEED to be positive. I HAVE to be positive.